20 Addictions



 

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VICE EFFECTS UPSIDE DOWNSIDE OVERALL RATING

Alcohol

 

 Inflated ego   Everybody is interested in everything I say   But you're a total asshole.   My  name  is  Dave, I'm  an  alcoholic.

Chocolate

 

 Snickers  becomes your  favorite  food.   Melt-in-your-mouth paradise   Constipation.   Like  sex,  not  all  that  bad  for  an addiciton.

Cocaine
 		 Gift  of  gab. 
No  one  cares.		   You're  the    Rembrandt  of Bullshit  artists.   Heart explodes.   You have no life and a hole in your nose/

Coffee
 		 Suddenly  you're awake!  You're alert--   but  no  smarter.   The  Breakfast  of Champions.

Downers
 		 Drooling.   No more pain.   Coma.   Say  hi  to  Judy  and Marilyn.

Fame
 		 Swollen  head.   Lots  of  sex.   Stalkers. Cash  in  if  you  can.

Food
 		 You  gain  a  lot  of weight.   Flavors  galore!   The  size  of  your  butt. Wake  up!   You're  fat!

Gambling
 		 You  bet.   You  win.   You  lose.   You  lose.

Heroin

 

 SEE  SLEEP.   Since  you're  on  the street,   you   don't   pay  rent.   A  date  with  death.   Gateway  to methadone.

Internet

 

 Your  ass  is  welded to  your  chair.   You  meet  great  new cyber-friends.   They're all pervs.   Big  Brother  is watching!

 

LSD

 

 You  become 4-dimensional   You  and  God  shake hands   You  also  meet          Satan.   Too  much  LSD  leaves  you  DUM.

Marijuana
 

 Eternally  bleary,  red  eyes.   The   pizza   tastes unbelievable!  It's  a  leftover  from   your  Christmas    Party.   Too  much  pot  makes you  straight.    Slow   down!

Running

 

 You  never  stand  still.   You  get  fit.  It  takes  over  your  life.   you  get  run  over.   Sweat,  blisters  and  B. O.   Not  for  us!

Sex

 

 Considerable  amount  of  naked  ecstasy.   We  have  to  explain?    Ouch!   Do you know anyone who isn't addicted?

Shopping

 

 You're tapped out.   You get everything you ever wanted.  MasterCard  hires  a hit  man  to  settle your  bill. You can't take it with you.

Sleep

 

 Zzzzzzzzzz........   You gets lots of rest. Bedsores.    You're probably not even reading this.

Speed
 		 You speed.   You go very fast. You crash.   You burn.

Steroids

 

 Your neck disappears.   You acquire the strength of Godzilla. 'Roid rage puts you in the electric chair.   Liver damage will you before you're 40.

Sugar

 

 Dentist  bill  exceeds your  mortgage.   You  get  happy--for  a  while. You  become  addicted to  Frosted  Flakes too.   Food  without  suger is  good.  Try  it sometime.

TV

 

 IQ   plummets   You  know  every  line from  Gilligan's Island.   You  know  every  line  from  Gilligan's Island.   Nielsen.

I got this from the magazine "HT".  I didn't change anything, just copied it down.
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